"Returns" is Pure Kryptonite

Bryan Singer’s “Superman Returns” had the misfortune of riding the coattails of “Spider-man 2” and the first “Superman”. Those are two movies that are alive with danger, conflict, humanity, and romance. They work not only as live-action comic books but cinematically as well. Singer’s soulless movie is almost three hours LONG and all we see is Superman lift a plane, a boat, and a giant rock.

To say that the plot meanders is to suggest a plot. The way Singer and his screenwriters tell this story is through a series of vignettes that don’t connect to one another. The characters spout lines that have no real importance, like when Lex Luthor claims he has obtained advanced alien technology that he will use against Superman. Lex diabolically creates an island of kryptonite with his acquired technology and gets to punch Superman around in the most unexciting good vs. evil battle ever filmed. That’s the thing about this movie, everything is uninteresting and unoriginal: the monosyllabic characters, the direction, the effects (260 Million Dollars folks), and the story.

Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor is fun. Though the thrill of seeing Kaizer Sozak ham it up in a superhero movie soon wears off. Brandon Routh, who started out doing low-key soaps, does a fine job of looking like Christopher Reeves but does nothing else. He's a cardboard cutout of a comic book character, there's no charm in him however Superman was never the most fun to begin with. He's the good, clean-cut adoptive American boy that carries our burdens like the second coming. There should be a more compelling way to describe these characters, inlcuding Supes himself, yet I feel there's nothing much to say other than lines from a simple brochure character bio. There's just no chemistry or excitement on the screen. A superhero flick for the DVD set.

A part in the movie itself sums it up. There’s a scene where the boss man at the Daily Planet, Perry White, has photos of Superman spread out in front of Jimmy Olsen, the paper’s photographer. “Look at these shots, they’re iconic and they were taken by a kid with a camera phone!” He sets Jimmy’s picture on the table. It’s a blurry photo of Superman zipping by. What's said here works if you remember the original.

Richard Donner’s “Superman”, made with old-school wizardry and wit created something iconic. Mr. Singer with his big name and money just took a dumpy little photo.